Young man in his early 30’s. President of Al-Mae-Lou Music Corporation. Conrad Birdie’s manager. He is in love with his secretary, Rose, but won’t commit because he is a big Momma’s boy. He’s charismatic and charming, but definitely is under his mother’s thumb.
Lines/Songs to Memorize
(Rose is threatening to leave forever because Albert won’t commit to marriage—after 8 years! Albert says:) “Rose, I’ll make a deal with you! Stay with me, help me get the money to pay Conrad’s guarantee, and as soon as I’m out of the red…I’ll dissolve Al-Mae-Lou and go back to the academic life! And I promise you, as soon as this thing is settled, it’ll just be the two of us, Rose! In perfect bliss. (an idea for a new Conrad song hits him) Bliss! Kiss! That rhymes! I wonder if anyone used it before. Oh, what difference does is make! It’ll be great for the song!”
Harvey is the total NERD, but he’s not shy about asking out the ladies! His voice cracks when he sings, and he just wants to get a date for the prom! The lyrics here are a little hard to read—it says, “Hello, Mister Henkel. This is Harvey Johnson, Can I speak to Penelope Ann?” There are no spoken lines to memorize.
He is all-American and good looking. He is Kim’s “steady” boyfriend and very jealous of Conrad! He gets to knock Conrad Birdie out during the “One Last Kiss” scene. No solo singing for Hugo.
Lines to Memorize (someone will read Alice’s part for you)
Hugo: (bursting forth) What’s so important? I’ll tell you what’s so important! The day after I give her my pin, she goes around kissing someone else, that’s what’s so important! I want you to know I’m quite upset about this. I’ve already had several headaches and a nosebleed!
Alice: Why, Hugo, I believe you’re actually jealous of Conrad Birdie!
Hugo: Me jealous? I’m the opposite of jealous. I’m very jealous! And I have every right to be. Kim’s my steady!
Huge rock and roll star. Think ELVIS PRESLEY--that is who Conrad Birdie is supposed to act, look, and sing like. He’s arrogant, cocky and totally self-centered. Flirts with ALL women. Doesn’t really have spoken lines, so MUST be a great singer and Elvis-style dancer. Have FUN at the audition. Please dance/move while singing the following:
Kim’s disgruntled father. He does NOT appreciate all this Conrad Birdie nonsense. He has some of the funniest lines in the show and needs to be a great actor. Bring your sense of humor is you want to be Mr. MacAfee!
Lines and Song to Memorize
(He’s feeling very frustrated since Conrad is actually staying in his house. Someone will read Kim’s line for you)
Kim: Daddy, I wish you’d hurry! I want to have all this mess cleared away before Conrad comes down!
Mr. MacAfee: This mess, as you call it, Kim, happens to be my breakfast. And I intend to enjoy it! Last night I gave up my room to a guest who repeatedly referred to me as “Fats.” Telephone calls were made on my phone to New York, Chicago, Fairbanks, Alaska, and Hong Kong. I slept in a camp cot with my feet in the fireplace and my head in an ashtray. Outside my window three harpies shrieked, “We love you, Conrad” four thousand seven hundred and twenty-three times!!!! And now I have lost my two fried eggs!
(His song is on the following page. Be sure to sing it down an octave—man’s voice!)